I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dick very happy bro
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
