I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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