you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
