Jerry, you need to find god
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
