So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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