Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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