Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
