She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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