one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
