i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize