I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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