What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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