I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
True strength comes from lack of pants
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
