someone threw a dead crab at me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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