Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
