we have officially lost it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
