the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
