Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
