OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
