So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
how drunk are you?
Several
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
