need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
