you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
