So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
