Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
