My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
