So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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