You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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