nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
