Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will be naked everywhere
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
