There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize