But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
