My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
