brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
