you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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