I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
