Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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