When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
