peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
