he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize