I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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