what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
