All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
