Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
