The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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