I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
