im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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