So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
