i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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