Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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