Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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