Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
