dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
