im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
