good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
