I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize