Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
