he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
