So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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