i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
