There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
