she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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