Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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