maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
