I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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