connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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