Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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