He is an equal opportunity slut.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Floor bacon is actually really good
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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