Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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