ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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