I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
