When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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